there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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