my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
