I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
