HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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