jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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