Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
