I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
