I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
