____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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