I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
