What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
3 2 1 whiskey
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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