Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
