I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
3 2 1 whiskey
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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