Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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