when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
