Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
