Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
