respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
