She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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