therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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