Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
