Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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