fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
