I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
