Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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