Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
