dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
