And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
