I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
