at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
