ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
