the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
