im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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