your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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