i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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