Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
