I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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