The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
