I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
