I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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