Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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