i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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