The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
