i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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