Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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