Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
