1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
