operation have a gay friend backfired
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
worst night to have a conscience
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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