I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
