I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pooping to opera.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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