I puked a lego.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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