Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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