carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
