i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
