your parents love me but you hate me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
