she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
