Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
