It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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