I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize