Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize