I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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