NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
