I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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