Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
