dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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