dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
