i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
