My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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