Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
