the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
