Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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