I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
