I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
