I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Two words: blizzard sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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