Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
