Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His hands were made for my vagina.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
