guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
