I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
