also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
