wrigley field is MILF paradise
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
