people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
