Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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