I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
