it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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