My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
