There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
