I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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