no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
