My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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