grandma shit on top of the toilet
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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