"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
